By Marcia Hall
Nannies may have a lot of frustrations with the children they care for, but more than any other issue I hear talked about is the idea that the kids we care for lack respect. What does respect really mean?
Respect shows itself in many ways. Making eye contact, having gentle physical touch, and being responsive to requests are just a few of them. Sometimes it is easier to define a word by what it is not. I know someone is disrespecting me when they interrupt me, don’t fully listen to my thoughts and ignore or laugh at my needs.
Recognizing these as characteristics of respect, it is clear that some children do not have a great deal of it. However let’s look at this from the opposite side. Would you say that in general children are shown respect by adults? I know my answer to that question is a definitive NO.
Children learn habits and skills by witnessing someone that models the behavior for them. The same is true of respect. If you want your charge to understand and show it to others, including yourself, they must be consistently exposed to it.
Showing the children in your care respect does not mean that you let them do whatever they want. It doesn’t even mean that you treat them exactly like you treat your friends. What it does mean is that when disciplining and dealing with the many mistakes and misunderstandings the children in your care make in any given day, you talk to them in a way that shows you love and care. You listen to their thoughts. No matter how ridiculous those thoughts might seem to you, to the child they are important. You tenderly look them in the eye when you are upset. No matter how frustrated you are, you use gentle physical contact with them. You work hard to avoid interrupting them unless they could be physically harmed. You never intentionally ignore or callously laugh at a need that is expressed to you.
In short, talk to and treat your charge the way you hope someone with more experience and knowledge will treat you. If you consistently show the child in your care this kind of respect he will begin to model that same respect back to you and to others.