By Marcia Hall
Some children are naturally drawn to other children. They thrive on the energy of people around and even at times act out when they do not get the interaction. Other children prefer to be alone in their play. This is natural and nothing to be concerned about. After all, adults are the same way. Some of us are introverts and some of us are extroverts. However, it is important for our children to learn to play with other children to some degree. After all this “play” will teach the child to “work” with other people as they grow. The Lego tower that is built today may become the skyscraper of tomorrow. The compromising, accepting and collaborating tools that children learn by playing are invaluable to them as adults.
Children who are introverts often feel overwhelmed by the energy other children bring. You may have to do some persuading for these children to engage in cooperating play with others. The good news is that like most lessons, this can be taught through modeling and interactive play with you. Play often with introverted children. Avoid telling her what to do, but collaborate with her. Ask questions that will lead her to the right answers and let her make mistakes in what she does. Don’t just give in and “do” whatever she wants, but work with her to negotiate. Make it clear that there are some events which happen during your time playing that you are not completely pleased with, but that you are willing to do what she wants some of the time.
When your charge is around other children, begin by playing with your child as she plays with others. Encourage other children to play with you. It is important that you avoid using phrases like” go play with them” or “why don’t you want to play with them?” Instead use phrases like “Let’s go see what those kids are doing,” “I wonder if he wants some help with that?” and “He looks like he might want someone to swing with.” Go over to the group with your charge and sit down. She might need some direction. You could say “maybe you could help him fill up his pail with sand” or “what if you helped him climb up the ladder?”
These phrases will help your charge think and imagine what it would be like to engage with other children. As your charge begins to interact don’t immediately walk away. She might suddenly get nervous and come to you for more guidance. If your charge expresses fear of playing with the other children, validate the feeling. You can even talk about how sometimes you are nervous to talk to other grownups too. “Sometimes I am nervous about talking and working with people I don’t know, too. It is hard to be brave enough to play with someone you don’t know. Maybe you wonder if they will like you or what you should say. But I believe you have the courage to play with those kids, even though you are afraid of it. And if you don’t like playing with them after a while, you can always go play by yourself again.”
Don’t push your charge into it. This will only cause her to try and run. Be present in the play as long as your charge needs you to. Express your understanding of the fear but also your trust in her ability to learn to play with others. By doing this consistently, your charge will have the courage to play with new people and eventually will not need you by her side.